Laurel Thomas

shame Archive



August 2016



Precious Seed in the River

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Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.
Psalm 126 5-6

Well, crum. It was a loss. Not a big one. Just a disappointment.

Okay. More than one owie had gathered like a bunch of bullies on my playground. I still had a happy heart. No big deal.

Except it was. I struggled for days and couldn’t shrug off the pain of seeing what I’d hoped for slip away. I couldn’t convince myself it didn’t matter.

That’d been an unhealthy bio of mine for too long. Stuff and restuff. Hope the hurt disappeared out of sheer will power.

But when the hurt wouldn’t go away, I went to the Lord. Sure enough, He had an answer. It was about precious seed.

Precious seed to a farmer was the seed he planted when planting was costly. He could’ve ground it up and made bread for his hungry children. Instead he planted it. With tears. And with an eye toward the future.

The loss wasn’t theoretical. I couldn’t pretend that what I hoped and dreamed for hadn’t slipped away. I couldn’t confuse denial with faith. Faith acknowledged loss for what it was. A seed that was precious in God’s eyes.

He cared every time I’d been ripped off. He wept at the loss that tore at my gut. Disappointment wasn’t His tool to make me humble. He was my Friend.

I didn’t agree with the doctrine of “Well, it was God’s will.” Or, “You just never know about the will of God.” The will of God was and is good because He’s good. He valued the treasure of my expectations.

My loss, as a seed, carried life. His promise was that if I planted it, He’d tend it well. It would grow into a tree that carried life on every branch. Life so big it kept multiplying in more ways than ever looked possible in one tiny seed.

It was the seed I was tempted to grind up and eat. The one I didn’t realize was more precious to God than to me. If I’d trust Him that it mattered.

I might have felt a little plundered when I dropped that loss into the soil of His heart. But I had an eye to the future. The seed of loss planted in eternity wasn’t only noticed, it was cherished.

Its harvest will feed a lot of people. And turn grief into joy. Because of precious seed, those who hope in Him will never be disappointed or put to shame.
I Peter 2:6



May 2015



What’s Next, Abba?

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I came to my chair to pray this morning, not sure how to receive from Him. Have you been to that place where you don’t want to go anywhere that might require what you don’t have? Makes me want run and hide.

The sad thing is I often treat God with a fear that He only greets me with a reminder that I’m not enough and with assignments I can only hope to fulfill.

Weird, I know. Coming to the Savior with my own salvation in short supply.

One thing I’ve learned this year. Writers are healed as they write. So that’s good news. I can pick up my pen and let the ink flow. Amazing how the Creator accepts my invitation as I ask a simple question.

What’s next, Abba?

I hope His answer comforts you, too, wherever you are and however you need Him today.

Abba’s response:

Do you believe I want to refresh you? That I know you’re tired and need to be filled instead of give? There’s a reason you come to Me with that fear. It has a name and today I’m breaking its hold on you. It is shame. Accept My war against it. Know that I’m never a part of its demonic agenda.

Instead of believing that I hand out shame when you need refreshing, know that My heart is a Savior’s heart. I am mercy. Not the kind some consider weak and just a nice idea. My mercy flows like a mighty river, strong and cleansing. It penetrates a concrete fortress of lies and embraces the heart’s faintest cry.

For so long you believed life had to be ordered, in careful perimeters. Not so. Look at the ocean you love. It laps over the shallows with gentle waves one morning, inviting a swim. It pounds sandy shores the next, reshaping and transforming them with its power.

So welcome to Me, beloved. Welcome to the wild side! You’re connected to My heart in ways you don’t understand yet. Yes, I hear you talking like you know it all when you’re insecure. I see you present a good show when you’re afraid.

Remember the ocean. Are you able to master it? Able to swim and get where you think you need to go? No? Okay, then, you can let that veil fall. It is a veil of shame. It isn’t My garment.

My garment fits you with perfection. Its lovely in My eyes. You didn’t have any hand in creating it. It’s all Me. I formed you in your mama’s womb, knowing how I would clothe your nakedness with exquisite beauty.

But shame, a subterfuge, blinded your eyes. Shame worked hand in hand with poverty. Trying was never enough. You were never enough. That lie required a hiding place and shame was happy to provide it.

So come into the Light, out of the shadows. Let Me robe you. You won’t need pretense or fragile efforts to cover your fears. You were meant to live in Me. Always. I’ll fill the gaping wounds with My oil. The oil of healing for you and for others.

I love you, dear one. Go into your day knowing that My hands have crafted a robe of glory just for you. Receive its reality and let its beauty shape your expectations.


Laurel Thomas



May 2014



Courage in the River

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“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” Mary Ann Radmacher

I’m asking more and more to see the big picture. Distractions obscured my view for years. The eternal paraded nearby, unnoticed by me, while I tended to fires that only veiled the real deal.

I want what matters. Even when it shows up unannounced.

Mary might have been asleep when the angel, Gabriel, came to visit. She didn’t ask for the encounter. Even as love breathed into the air around her, the message confounded her young heart.

“Don’t be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. You will become pregnant and give birth to a Son and you will call His name Yeshua,” he said.

Still, Mary welcomed God. Angelic visitor, supernatural mission and impossible circumstances. Yes, to all of the above.

The sweetness of heaven’s visitor must have lingered. Did it stick around long enough to cushion the clash of incomprehensible meeting human reason?

Heaven defied the natural and inserted His plan on earth in baby form. All in the human package of a young woman called to carry God.

It was a profound, beautiful first fruit of His will for all of us. The mystery of imperfect people carrying a God treasure.

She couldn’t have known how much grace carrying that Treasure would require. It didn’t look like an assault at first. After all, it was her family. It was Joseph. But they didn’t understand.

Rejection has a hook. That hook is based on the fact we carry something that isn’t understood. It isn’t understood because it is God. Rejection must have hovered with its goon, shame, like a black cloud threatening to slime Mary and her treasure.

These babies are God plans that begin with a thought or desire. Sometimes they show up in our dreams. Many are aborted before they are known, denied before their beauty shapes our world in a new way.

Questions assail us like, “Who do you think you are?”

“You’ve tried and failed before, why is this time any different?”

“How important is this anyway? It’s so little and insignificant.”

Mary was a wise woman. She ran to her friend, Elizabeth. Elizabeth knew about supernatural babies. She carried one. She, too, was a forerunner who carried a child of the spirit, not born of the will of man, but of God.

Elizabeth friends are precious. They recognize the gift we carry when others don’t. They aren’t threatened by what they can not understand. They know a baby needs protection. That means caring for the momma.

Elizabeth was old. She was proof age has nothing to do with this birthing process. We can receive a God-baby at any age.

God things aren’t always understood. But in embracing them, we receive the potential to bring heaven to earth in flesh and blood reality. Did Jesus shape the world? Our babies will, too.

They need protection, they need care. But when they come to birth, God arrives on the scene. He may come in baby form, but that expression of heaven in us touches earth in ways we never expected.


Laurel Thomas